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Atheists are delusional, says Conservative Party's chief Satanist
Posted 19 hours 35 minutes ago
THE Conservative Party's Grand Satanic Ambassador has assured atheists that they are totally wrong.


Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Posted 20 hours 2 minutes ago
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) Why not spice up things in the bedroom with a bit of role play? You can pretend you're somebody who still wants to have sex with him and he can pretend to be a blind person with no sense of smell.


Photoshop expert finds proof of ghosts
Posted 20 hours 9 minutes ago
AN expert in Photoshop and other graphics software, has found conclusive proof that ghosts exist.


Southern-style chicken, kebab, pizza and curry combo wins Masterchef
Posted 20 hours 25 minutes ago
THIS year's Masterchef is the head cook at Tooting's Southern-Style Chicken, Kebab, Pizza and Curry takeaway restaurant in south London.


The Mash guide to the Man United shortlist
Posted 20 hours 37 minutes ago
DAVID Moyes has gone, but who will replace him in the toughest job in the world of the football?


England on fire as dragons take their revenge
Posted 21 hours 1 minute ago
TOWNS and villages across England are ablaze after giant dragons chose St George's Day to avenge their murdered comrade.


Kate wins over Australia with anti-Kiwi racism
Posted 21 hours 14 minutes ago
THE Duchess of Cambridge has been taken to Australian hearts after a series of increasingly racist comments about New Zealand.


Weather ruins bank holiday traffic jams
Posted 1 day 19 hours 16 minutes ago
BRITAIN'S traditional Easter traffic jams have been blighted by heavy rain for the third successive year.


Blur-Oasis rivalry reignited over sheds
Posted 1 day 19 hours 26 minutes ago
OASIS founder Noel Gallagher has launched a scathing attack on garden sheds belonging to Damon Albarn and other members of Blur.


Women now doing lots of pointless bloke crap
Posted 1 day 19 hours 37 minutes ago
WOMEN are increasingly taking responsibility for the crap activities traditionally done by men.


Britain's 'values' based on Star Wars, Breakfast Club and The Godfather
Posted 1 day 20 hours 19 minutes ago
THE 'moral values' of most people in Britain are based on classic films from the 1970s and 80s, it has been confirmed.


Britain ravaged by annual Creme Egg riots
Posted 1 day 20 hours 59 minutes ago
BRITAIN was a blood-soaked hellhole yesterday as the nation fought to the death over Creme Eggs.


Man United sack Moyes back to the Stone Age
Posted 1 day 21 hours 16 minutes ago
DAVID Moyes is being fired so hard he will have to take on two full-time jobs just to be unemployed.


Six-year-olds to be taught swearing
Posted 6 days 18 hours 44 minutes ago
SWEARING education for six-year-olds is to become mandatory.


William goes into 'tyrant mode'
Posted 6 days 19 hours 39 minutes ago
PRINCE William has lapsed into behaving like a 16th century tyrant during his tour of Australia.


Sharks interesting
Posted 6 days 20 hours 23 minutes ago
SHARKS are really interesting, it has been confirmed.


Ferguson to auction skull collection
Posted 6 days 20 hours 39 minutes ago
SIR Alex Ferguson is to auction off his extensive collection of human skulls.


Tesco vows to take Britain down with it
Posted 6 days 20 hours 52 minutes ago
TESCO has warned the people of the UK that they will pay with their lives for abandoning it.


Jesus died to give us two bank holidays
Posted 6 days 21 hours 9 minutes ago
THE Archbishop of Canterbury has given thanks to Jesus, who gave his life so that we could have not just a Monday off work but a Friday too.


Men seeking plausible beard exit strategies
Posted 7 days 19 hours 2 minutes ago
MILLIONS of men are about to pretend a shaving accident caused them to remove their beard.