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Six-year-olds to be taught swearing
Posted 1 day 10 hours 26 minutes ago
SWEARING education for six-year-olds is to become mandatory.


William goes into 'tyrant mode'
Posted 1 day 11 hours 21 minutes ago
PRINCE William has lapsed into behaving like a 16th century tyrant during his tour of Australia.


Sharks interesting
Posted 1 day 12 hours 6 minutes ago
SHARKS are really interesting, it has been confirmed.


Ferguson to auction skull collection
Posted 1 day 12 hours 22 minutes ago
SIR Alex Ferguson is to auction off his extensive collection of human skulls.


Tesco vows to take Britain down with it
Posted 1 day 12 hours 35 minutes ago
TESCO has warned the people of the UK that they will pay with their lives for abandoning it.


Jesus died to give us two bank holidays
Posted 1 day 12 hours 52 minutes ago
THE Archbishop of Canterbury has given thanks to Jesus, who gave his life so that we could have not just a Monday off work but a Friday too.


Men seeking plausible beard exit strategies
Posted 2 days 10 hours 45 minutes ago
MILLIONS of men are about to pretend a shaving accident caused them to remove their beard.


Napoleon's GoPro blog
Posted 2 days 11 hours 22 minutes ago
I STRUGGLED getting people to notice me until I became the owner of the GoPro GodHero VI camera system.


Hansen predicts Premier League victors will be a football team
Posted 2 days 11 hours 35 minutes ago
MATCH of the Day pundit Alan Hansen has insisted that a team will win the Premier League.


Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Posted 2 days 12 hours 8 minutes ago
Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) In a multiple-choice exam, if you're not sure of the answer just put 'B'. Unless they ask which was the best Mel in the Spice Girls.


Yahoo News wins Pulitzer for cat lookalikes story
Posted 2 days 12 hours 54 minutes ago
YAHOO News has won journalism's most prestigious award for its coverage of cats that resemble celebrities.


Children of hippy parents getting shit eggs again
Posted 2 days 12 hours 57 minutes ago
HIPPY parents will be giving their children drab, joyless dairy-free Easter eggs again this year, it has been confirmed.


Everyone either on holiday or pissed off
Posted 3 days 10 hours 33 minutes ago
BRITONS are currently either away or brimming with resentment, it has emerged.


Red moon turns US communist
Posted 3 days 11 hours 48 minutes ago
AMERICA has become a communist country following the appearance of a red moon.


Massive rats just want to get on your face at night
Posted 3 days 12 hours 34 minutes ago
BRITAIN'S 2ft super-rats have said they only want to scrabble about on your sleeping body.


Mad Men to conclude with creation of Um Bongo ad
Posted 3 days 12 hours 40 minutes ago
THE NEW series of Mad Men climaxes with the writing and recording of the Um Bongo advert.


Good-looking people come out of hibernation
Posted 3 days 12 hours 52 minutes ago
SUNSHINE has brought Britain's attractive people out of the chrysalis-like pods where they spend most of the year.


Sharing overrated
Posted 4 days 10 hours 43 minutes ago
TAPAS-TYPE meals are proof that the concept of sharing is overrated, it has been claimed.


Nuclear strike on Coachella festival 'not a bad idea'
Posted 4 days 11 hours 22 minutes ago
WORLD leaders are considering a nuclear missile attack on Calfornia's Coachella festival.


Scouts to earn badge for running an artisan food van
Posted 4 days 12 hours 9 minutes ago
CREATING an aspirational street food brand is one of a series of new scouting badges, it has been confirmed.